YOU KEEP ME HANGING ON..

Marc was in his office eating lunch when Michelle, the head receptionist poked her head in.

“Dr. Schmidt, there are some people on the phone who say their pit bull puppy was bitten by a Gila monster.”

“Tell them not to worry,” Marc said between bites of his sandwich. “Even though they’re poisonous, they probably can’t do too much harm.” And he went back to his meal.

But Michelle returned a few minutes later. “The people didn’t make themselves clear the first time,” she said, considerably more agitated. “The Gila monster that bit their pup...”

“Yes?” Marc asked expectantly.

“Well it’s still hanging on to the pup’s nose and they can’t get it off.”

That piece of news finally got Marc away from his lunch. “Have them bring the pup right in,” he instructed Michelle, “and tell them not to try to kill the Gila monster. They’re protected and it’s against the law.”

Michelle rolled her eyes, “That’ll go over big with them,” and she ran back to the phone.

Less than five minutes later the screeching of brakes could be heard outside the clinic. Almost immediately a frantic family of five piled into the waiting room. The kids were crying, the man was cursing and the woman was holding the whimpering pup wrapped in a blanket. And there, protruding from the pup’s muzzle was the Gila monster, with its distinctive pink and black pebbled skin, and its vise-like jaws. Immediately Marc came out to greet this hysterical group.

“Bring the pup right in here” he gestured to the doorway of an exam room. If three’s a crowd eight was definitely enough as the husband, wife and three kids piled into the small room which was already occupied by Marc and two technicians. The hapless dog was set down carefully on the exam table while the Gila monster dangled from its nose.

“The idea is to remove the Gila monster without hurting the pup further,” Marc explained quietly as he took a good look at the situation.

“Why can’t you just whack the thing’s head off?” The man said impatiently

“Well first of all, it’s against the law and besides, it may increase injury to the dog. I could try prying the jaws apart but that probably won’t work. We need to give that Gila monster something to make it release its grip.

“Like a muscle relaxer or a tranquilizer?” the woman suggested helpfully.

“Sort of,” Marc mumbled while he looked through the pharmacology book.

Meanwhile, while they were debating which drug was best, the Gila monster, tired from all the commotion, simply dropped off the dog’s muzzle and fell to the floor.

“Boy, that’s one way to clear a room,” one of the techs remarked as the entire family pushed and shoved its way through the small exam room door to escape from the poisonous lizard which was now at large. “They even left their dog here,” he noted, as the poor little pit bull puppy sat alone on the exam table.


After checking him out and pronouncing him none the worse for his ordeal, Marc brought the pup back into the waiting room where the family had regrouped and regained its composure.

“Dog’ll be fine,” he reassured the people. “Just keep an eye on him for the rest of the day.”

“What do I owe you Doc?” the man asked, visibly relieved that the ordeal was over.

“Don’t worry about it.” Marc told him. “I didn’t really do anything.”

“Thanks, thanks a lot,” he said and shook Marc’s hand appreciatively. “By the way, what are you gonna do with that monster lizard thing?”

“Oh I’ll take him out in the desert somewhere after it gets dark,” Marc said.

“Just as long as it’s nowhere near my house,” the man laughed.