Paws, Jaws, Claws or What the Parrot Saw

Tales from the Veterinary Clinic and Beyond
by Rikki Schmidt (aka “that’s Dr. Schmidt’s wife”)

I'm Chuckles the Parrot!

INTRODUCTION

I never planned to live the Wild West version of "All Creatures Great and Small." Or play Eva Gabor’s role in a remake of Green Acres. But since I married a veterinarian it seems that my life revolves around everything with four legs and fur, and on occasion feathers and scales.





When things got serious between us I went to the clinic to meet his parents for the first time. Before they arrived, Marc handed me a big, angry yellow tomcat.

“Here, hold this cat while I put a catheter in him.” He instructed me.

“I don’t think that’s going to improve his disposition any,” I struggled to hang on to the patient who seemed to be mostly claws and teeth.

“Don’t worry, I’m giving him some ketamine to settle him down” Marc jabbed the cat with a hypodermic. Almost immediately he went limp and relaxed. I placed him carefully on the exam table.

“What’s the matter with this big guy anyway?” I asked as Marc expertly inserted the catheter. The cat couldn’t care less.

“He’s all blocked up. Can’t pee. This will get him going.”

Right on cue, the cat let loose a stream as if he hadn’t urinated in 10 years. Since I was pretty much in the line of fire, I ended up wearing a considerable amount of tomcat urine.

“Great,” I said, wrinkling my nose in disgust, “your parents will be here soon. I can’t meet them looking like this, I want to change.”

“Just about done... hold on to him, he’s starting to come around,” Marc was finishing up with the cat who was emerging from his “catnap” in a worse mood than before. I got him into a cage but not before he successfully shredded the sleeves of my shirt. Just as I closed the cage door I heard Marc say, “Hi, you folks are early.”

I self-consciously greeted his parents who politely never asked about the condition, or smell, of my clothes.

After we had been married a while, his mother confided to me, “Hon, when I saw you that day at the clinic, wearing all that cat pee I said to Marc’s dad, ‘That’s the gal for him!’”

Chuckles says "thanks"!